on friday evening it was revealed that I am pregnant with my third and FINAL son. although it wasn’t a shocking revelation (I had suspected, was 80% confident it was a boy), it was still painful to hear. there are those who say they don’t care what they are having, as long as he/she is healthy. well of course I want my children, all of them, to be healthy…..but I also wanted a girl. I’ve known her name since I was pregnant with greyson, before we found out he was a boy. her name, my imaginary daughter, was going to be emersyn olivia, eme (pronounced emmy) for short. she was going to wear tutu dresses and hair bows, her hair almost always in pigtails. her room was going to be pink and gray with as many frilly details as I could find. she was going to be in ballet and gymnastics. she was going to love shopping and getting manicures with her mommy. while the boys were out throwing the ball, the girls were going to go do girly things. because she was raised with a brother with down syndrome, she was going to know compassion, empathy, and tolerance from the very beginning of her life. fast forward to her as an adult: she was going to make sure her brother was cared for and had a home when their elderly parents were no longer able to take care of him. yes, of course the newest son can and will probably ensure the same. it’s just that I had a dream, a vision of what I wanted and well it’s never going to come true. please do not misunderstand me, I already love and, of course, want baby boy h. right now, though, I just feel something is missing, feel an emptiness that only hair bows and tutu dresses could fill :). of course this feeling will pass when i hold baby boy h and when I see my two boys playing together, bonding as only same sex siblings can do. just let me have a few days….well maybe a few weeks to accept I will be the only female in a house full of BOYS 🙂
Monthly Archives: March 2014
Recent Posts
- A real eye opener, I just wish my eyes were closed
- Dear Perfect Parent,
- Ok, I’m going to say it…..even after a friend suggested I not. I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. To say it out loud would surely offend some, upset others so I’ve kept quiet. Well I’m going to keep it real folks. I was having lunch with another special needs mom a few weeks ago. We were talking about our children with special needs and she said “I wouldn’t change them for the world.” I responded with “I would.” She looked stunned, her mouth actually dropped open and said “You would?!” I said “Hell yeah, I would.” She said ‘You’re the first person to ever say that.” She then said “I would too.” I hear people say all the time about their child with special needs, specifically Down syndrome, “I wouldn’t change him for the world”or “I wouldn’t change anything about him”. Maybe these parents actually mean it, maybe they believe they were given the child they were meant to have, extra chromosome and all, the whole God doesn’t make mistakes thing. I promise you folks, you will never hear me make that statement because if I could change it, I damn sure would. If I could have Greyson’s extra chromosome surgically removed, we’d have already done so. Why would I want my son to endure the things he is going to endure all his life, things like difficulty communicating, taking longer to learn things, possibly unable to drive, possibly unable to reproduce, may or may not be able to live independently? Who wants that for their child?! I can hear people now, “Oh, but individuals with Down syndrome have come a long way. Did you hear about the guy going to college or the guy who started his own crazy sock business?” You’re right, individuals with Down syndrome have come a long way, but people, when these stories make the news, that means it’s rare, uncommon. To be clear, I love Greyson with all of my being. As a matter of fact, although I love all my boys equally, Greyson has a very special place in my heart. With or without the extra chromosome, my love for my son would remain the same, have no doubt. I’m just honest enough to admit that his life, our lives would be a lot easier without that extra chromosome, so yeah, there is ONE thing I would change about my son. My phrase would be “I would change one thing about him for the world”, because if I could, I would.
- Ok, I’m going to say it…..even after a friend suggested I not. I’ve been sitting on this one for awhile. To say it out loud would surely offend some, upset others so I’ve kept quiet. Well I’m going to keep it real folks. I was having lunch with another special needs mom a few weeks ago. We were talking about our children with special needs and she said “I wouldn’t change them for the world.” I responded with “I would.” She looked stunned, her mouth actually dropped open and said “You would?!” I said “Hell yeah, I would.” She said ‘You’re the first person to ever say that.” She then said “I would too.” I hear people say all the time about their child with special needs, specifically Down syndrome, “I wouldn’t change him for the world”or “I wouldn’t change anything about him”. Maybe these parents actually mean it, maybe they believe they were given the child they were meant to have, extra chromosome and all, the whole God doesn’t make mistakes thing. I promise you folks, you will never hear me make that statement because if I could change it, I damn sure would. If I could have Greyson’s extra chromosome surgically removed, we’d have already done so. Why would I want my son to endure the things he is going to endure all his life, things like difficulty communicating, taking longer to learn things, possibly unable to drive, possibly unable to reproduce, may or may not be able to live independently? Who wants that for their child?! I can hear people now, “Oh, but individuals with Down syndrome have come a long way. Did you hear about the guy going to college or the guy who started his own crazy sock business?” You’re right, individuals with Down syndrome have come a long way, but people, when these stories make the news, that means it’s rare, uncommon. To be clear, I love Greyson with all of my being. As a matter of fact, although I love all my boys equally, Greyson has a very special place in my heart. With or without the extra chromosome, my love for my son would remain the same, have no doubt. I’m just honest enough to admit that his life, our lives would be a lot easier without that extra chromosome, so yeah, there is ONE thing I would change about my son. My phrase would be “I would change one thing about him for the world”, because if I could, I would.
- Reminder: There’s TWO little ones in the house
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